Wanna Be a Balla

Haha April Fools! I crack myself up. On a serious note, I am not joining a monastery nor am I coming home, I actually have a part time job and have my first day tomorrow! Just one 2 hour class (more work on Sun), but its exciting to have some legit teaching to do! Some interesting stories about my new boss and her family (her name is Suda, she is 54 and a Muslim Thai and she is the sweetest lady ever ) but I will get to those some other time.

Guess what I did today? Played some basketball! Lex, Adam and I went over to the courts at CMU (Chiang Mai University) to try and get some exercise. I don't have any basketball shoes, so I had to wear my nice Pumas, the ball was way too bouncy, the courts were slippery....and it was glorious. We shot around for a little bit, and then some Thai kids in the next court over asked if we wanted to play 3 on 3. Now the tallest one of them was about 5'4", and they were all in flip flops. And they were 15. So you can imagine my chagrin when we find ourselves down 6-1. But we battle back, end up going up 10-8. The typical pickup game will last to 11, so I stop the game to ask what we are playing up to, (how many points you need to win) a feat made all the more difficult across languages. We can say numbers, so keeping score isn't too hard, but trying to convey the question of when we were stopping was a little more difficult. And I will freely admit that I was exhausted at this point, and really really hoping we are playing to 11. So we get the point across, we all stand there looking each other, and I figure, its their home court, we are in Thailand, I don't know what the culture is, I'll let them call it. And out of nowhere, Adam chimes in and says, 'Yee sip et?' What?? 21???

To my utter dismay, they quickly agree. Honestly I don't really remember the rest of the game, it was mostly just constant repetition of trying to chase around these 15 year old Thai kids, who all apparently had limitless energy. (They also had a sub, which was bogus.) I was bent over wheezing at every stopped ball, and would just gather my strength to try one of every 5 plays. A kid knocked the ball away from me and when I jogged to go get it, I thought I was going to die. I don't remember ever being that exhausted before in my life. Anyways, we pull out the win, and stumble over to the sidelines to grab some water and sit down. After a long (long) rest, we climbed on their moto to head and get some ice cream. Ah, the spoils of victory.

Spent the rest of the day with them, grabbed some dinner and took a dip in their pool, (which might have been even better than the ice cream...well almost. But swimming after playing basketball in 103 deg weather is pretty much a necessity.) and watched the ends of Iron Man and Spider-Man 2. (Why do you think the first superhero name is broken into 2 words, but the second name is separated by a hyphen? And what about the names that are all one word? You have Batman and Superman, but then also Spider-Man and Iron Man...why isn't it Ironman? These are the things that keep me up at night.) And as I lay here in bed exhausted and sore, and as my feet are howling at me right now, I feel physically better than I have in a long time. Something about getting to play basketball after such a long hiatus just makes you feel good. Maybe its competing, maybe its knowing I was doing positive things for my body today (sans ice cream), maybe its the endorphins still kicking in, or maybe its just the fact I didn't die today on the court...whatever it is, it was was a good day. :) Though I'm exhausted and teach my first class in 13.5 hours, so I need some sleep! Take care everyone!

TPWWLT - Chingy - 'Balla Baby'

PS - I got a fridge today! They have been redoing all these rooms in my guesthouse (that construction and my feelings towards it could fill a post all by themselves), and as I'm walking out today, I see the main bossman and another guy carrying a fridge up the stairs. I jokingly ask him when I'm getting one, and he stops and uses his eyes to point to the one in his hand, asking if I wanted the one they were carrying that had been previously destined for another room. At first I though he was kidding, but when I realized he is being serious, I readily accept and bound upstairs to unlock my door for them. We get it situated, plug it in, I leave it to cool down as I head out for the courts. Grab a water on my way home tonight, drink a bit, and throw it in my fridge as I walk through my door. Guess who is having cold water tomorrow when he wakes up?? This guy!

(I mean, its the little things right. Call me crazy, but even I can laugh at myself when the highlights of my day are being short 15 year olds in basketball and waking up to cold water instead of room temperature water. :) )

Big News

Ok so I haven't written for a while, but its because I have been trying to take some time to decide where I'm at right now in my life. Work has been frustratingly slow in coming, I have a few friendships blossoming but I still spend way too much time alone, and its killing me slowly knowing that every time I eat, I am spending money without having any come in, and slowing watching my bank account dwindle down to nothing like the Chinese water torture of finance. I am loath to go home (not that it doesn't cross my mind 7000 times a day) because that would be admitting defeat, and more practically, would put me right back where I am now, i.e. looking for work. Continuing on like this is wearing me out and making me question my mental state. And in both instances, both choices seem to leave me without what I came here for...some sort of answers. Some sort of reason and justification and purpose and insight into the great questions of life, like why are we here, what is love, and why does your back always itch in that one place you can't reach to scratch it?

So, what am I getting at? Recently another option in this great game of life was made known to me. I have never been a very religious person. Raised a Catholic, I have always had too much mind and too little faith, and let my questions get in the way of practicing and believing. But in the last few months, I have become more and more exposed to the ideas of Buddhism, and the Eightfold Path. I have long believed that answers to my questions, that 'inner peace' as it is so poetically put, would be found within myself. And that the things that can make me truly happy would come from within, from my own moral values and my own inner contentment. Maybe it was my stubborn independence or pig headed arrogance, but even the Christian doctrine of 'trusting in God' seemed too easy to me. To just entrust my life to someone else, even a higher power, seemed to be taking the easy way out, and I am convinced that true happiness lies along the hard road of figuring it out for yourself. And I think that's what has always appealed to me about Buddhism, is that it is more of a set of principles to live by than a specific doctrine of what to believe. By following these principles, and through meditation and thought, it is possible to achieve nirvana or inner peace.

Anyways, I'm putting off what it is I have to tell everyone. (I'm strangely really nervous right now.) Well, here it is: I've decided to take the vows at a monastery and become a monk. Taking myself out of my comfort zone and coming to Thailand was a start, but I think I've realized that its not enough and I'll never find what I'm looking for this way. I am still too connected. I still spend too much time online, and eating at McDonalds and following american sports and politics. I need to leave that all behind and fully commit myself to self realization. And I truly think this is going to help me do that. OK, so what does this mean? Well, first of all its a three year commitment to become a full monk. The temple master I have been speaking too stresses that this is merely the most basic of guidelines and that its different for everyone. Some take longer, a few shorter, but its only when you are your abbot decide you are ready that you become fully robed. He also says that a decent portion of monks choose to remain in the monastery for the majority of their lives. While I don't plan on this, I can't discount it happening if it seems like the right thing for me. And if don't, I will only be 27 or 28 when I am finished, and will hopefully have a true sense of what I am doing in life and what makes me happy. I'm not allow to speak or make any audible sounds for the first 2 months, and I am allowed no contact with anyone outside of the monastery for the first year or so. I give them the contact info for my next of kin, and they will let my mom and dad know if anything happens. Though I live in the monastery, I spend my time studying (for me, both the precepts of Buddhism and Thai), meditating, and performing simple manual labor, so the chance of anything happening is pretty low. But yea, I won't be able to communicate with anyone for a year, which is the biggest reason I wouldn't do this. But I have been thinking about it so much, that bottom line, I need to do whats right for me, and I am almost convinced this is it.

I still have two weeks till I head to the monastery - its up in the mountains, absolutely beautiful - so I can still talk until then and use that time to get my affairs in order. I know pretty much no one is going to understand or support this decision, but like I said, I'm channeling my inner Ayn Rand and doing what's best for me. Hopefully I'll have a chance to talk to everyone I would like to in the next two weeks. Hope everyone is doing well.

TPWWLT - Trick Daddy - 'Let's Go'

PS April Fools :)