This Means WAR!

I'm in an ongoing battle with ants in my room. It started the day after Aunt Kate sent me the packages. I had opened a bag of chex mix, chowed down before bed, and left the open bag sitting on my desk. I awoke to find them marching in a line from the corner by the door, along two sides of my bed, up the side of my desk and covering my desk, not to mention feasting on the open bag of chex mix. I grabbed the bag and threw it on my balcony and used half a roll of toilet paper to wipe all the ants off my desk and off my floor. Spent the next hour cleaning my room and taking out all the trash and leftover wrappers I could find. And separated out the remainder of the unopened food and placed it in a box in the corner.

I fired back the next day with my secret weapon: plastic baggies. I opened some M&M's and crackers and sealed up the uneaten food in bags and placed them back on my cleaned desk. Two days later they were still untouched. However, I had a resealable bag of chips ahoy in the box that they weaseled their way into, along with some granola bars, which forced me to ditch the box. I regained the upper hand by discovering that the chemicals in the wet naps kill them on touch, and we reached a cease fire for a few days.

But lately, it has not looking good. Two days ago I opened the peanut butter, and assumed that sealing it back up tight would keep them out. Sadly, I regret to inform everyone of the loss of 9/10 of a jar of peanut butter. Today I accidentally left the bag holding the rest of the M&M's open when I left for lunch and lost all that chocolaty goodness. So I'm down to three things: a box of Special K with Red Berries, a sleeve of crackers and a whole package of Oreo's. I'll probably finish off the crackers tomorrow for lunch, and Julia and I have a plan to eat as much of the special K one night for dinner, maybe 2 or 3 bowls each, and trash the remains, b/c I know I can't keep them out of there once I open it up. That just leaves the Oreo's, obviously the crown jewel of the entire food haul. Right now my plan is this: Save them till the end, and after I open them up, parcel out the rest of the package into plastic baggies, and be verrrry careful every time I close a bag. I figure that by putting them in multiple bags, if I lose one, I can hopefully still have the rest intact.

I know I'm fighting a losing battle, one against many. I don't hope to survive it, but I promise you all that I will go down eating. At least now my struggles have been documented, and hopefully someday they will sing songs of me and my food's glorious demise. Fare ye well and know that you will be in my heart and mind as I go down covered in ants like that guy in the new Indiana Jones movie. And If I somehow manage to pull out a victory, you will be the first to hear about it. Take care.

TPWWLT - Bill Simmons Mega Playoff Podcast - Pt 2